Welcome Wisdom

Constructive Conversations about Loss and Grief

by Felicia Juntunen, MA, CMC, Director of Care Management

“No one has taught us how to act or what to say when someone dies. More important, no one has taught us what it feels like to grieve. We don’t know how to heal the hurt created by grief or how to live with it.”- Barbara Karnes, RN, My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

As Aging Life Care Professionals, our work and service to aging individuals and their families frequently intersect with experiences of loss and the grief that accompanies it. We recognize the profound and varied impact grief has- on our clients, their families, and ourselves- and remain committed to fostering healthy coping and resilience following loss.

Discussions about death and grief are often among the most challenging we encounter. As Barbara Karnes observes, few of us have been taught how to respond to death or how to grieve. By deepening our understanding of the nature of grief- its expressions, complexities, and effects- we can better facilitate constructive conversations that honor individual experiences and support the healing process.

 

Understanding the Dimensions of Grief

Grief is both universal and deeply personal. It is not confined to emotional pain alone but influences all aspects of human well-being:

• Emotional: sadness, anger, guilt, relief, anxiety, loneliness
• Cognitive: difficulty concentrating, decision-making challenges
• Behavioral: withdrawal, restlessness, or disruption of daily routines
• Social: isolation or diminished engagement with others
• Physical: sleep disturbance, appetite change, chest / stomach discomfort
• Spiritual: loss or renewal of faith, questioning meaning and purpose

It is also important to recognize anticipatory grief- the process of mourning a loss before it occurs. This experience is quite common among caregivers, particularly those supporting loved ones with progressive conditions such as dementia. Anticipatory grief is often complex, as individuals navigate the dual experience of holding on while beginning to let go.

The commonly referenced stages of grief- denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance- represent potential emotional responses rather than a prescribed sequence. Grief is not linear, and there is no uniform progression. Each individual’s journey is unique and influenced by their personal, relational, and cultural context.

 

Facilitating Constructive Conversations About Grief

Supporting individuals and families through grief requires sensitivity, patience, and a willingness to engage in authentic dialogue. Conversations about loss can evolve into meaningful opportunities for connection when guided by three key principles:

• Pace: Acknowledge that each person’s grief journey is distinct. Healing unfolds over time and cannot be rushed or standardized.
• Presence: Offer genuine presence without an agenda. Simply being with someone in their grief- listening attentively and empathetically- can be deeply comforting.
• Permission: Provide opportunities for individuals to speak about their loved one, to share stories, and to express the full range of emotions associated with grief. Encourage healthy outlets for expression and connection to supportive resources.

 

Sources of Support

Encouraging individuals to access support can greatly enhance their ability to cope and adapt following a loss. Helpful resources may include:

• Family members and close friends
• Hospice bereavement and aftercare services
• Faith-based or spiritual communities
• Peer and community support groups
• Licensed grief counselors or therapists

 

Moving Forward

“Healing the wound of grief is allowing ourselves to feel the pain, to recognize ‘I’m missing her,’ to cry, to experience the intensity of the moment and then to move on. We wipe our eyes, dust ourselves off and move forward into living the day. We know the pain will come again. It will be felt and experienced again. We will move forward again, and on and on.”- Barbara Karnes, RN

Grief is an evolving process rather than an endpoint. Through compassion, understanding, and open communication, Aging Life Care Professionals can play a vital role in helping individuals and families navigate loss while continuing to find meaning, purpose, and connection in life.